Spiritual Hiccups - Calls I Have Known

I have just accepted a call to become the pastor at another church.  It is a wonderful congregation filled with wonderful people, located in an exciting place to live.  By most any measure, I should be euphoric, but at the moment I am not.  If anything, I am feeling rather subdued and lethargic.  This is in no way because of doubts or second thoughts regarding my new call.  Rather it is partly because that new call does not actually begin for two months. And it is because I am currently trying to perform the regular duties of a pastor in my present call, even as I work with the leadership here to bring that call to an end.

Interesting how when Jesus calls people to follow him in the gospel accounts, they typically drop everything and go with him.  In Luke 9:61-62, this pattern is demanded.  A would be follower of Jesus says, "I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home."  To which Jesus replies, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." 

Jesus' remark is a clear reference to when the prophet Elijah called Elisha (see 1 Kings 19:19-21), and I'm hoping this is Luke's way of saying that following Jesus takes a commitment greater than that of Elisha rather than a literal description of how we should respond to any call from Jesus.

Further complicating things, my new call is hardly my original call to follow Jesus.  Jesus called me to the congregation I currently serve.  Jesus said, "Leave where you are and go to Boulevard Presbyterian." Here I have become part of a faith community also called by Christ.  But now Jesus says, "Leave them, and go." 

This new call certainly supersedes the former, but that doesn't mean it invalidates it.  And so for the moment I find myself with two calls.  This is hardly a unique experience.  Many of us are called to be partners in the covenant of marriage, also called to be parents, also called to some additional work in the world, and also called to serve in the ministry of a congregation as elders, deacons, teachers, mission volunteers, etc.  And these different calls do not always play well together.

And so, for the moment, I find myself living within a tension between calls.  It is a tension that will resolve in the near future as one call concludes and another begins in earnest, but for the moment it is a little difficult to focus.  Regardless, I am in no hurry to resolve this tension.  I have learned over the years that much creativity is born of living with a tension and not working too hard to resolve it.  One does not resolve the tension between calls as spouse and parent (at least not if one wishes to live both calls well), but grows and develops by living within that tension.

This strange place in which if currently find myself has me a bit off-balance, but I trust that this will provide openings for me to see something new, to become more deeply aware of God is at work, to grow in ways that better prepare me for my new call.  And I can only assume that a similar opportunity exist for both the congregations where I am called.  Somewhere in the tension between past and future, goodbyes and hellos, beginnings and ends, God seeks to create something new where both congregations can grow in faith and hear more clearly where Jesus is calling each of them.