Spiritual Hiccups - Longing for God's Touch

I've been around sickness and death today, something that happens more often than I like, my being a pastor.  Today I met with a family to plan a funeral and did hospital visitations.  Sometimes when I am with people in such settings, I can see on their faces a longing that seems straight out of today's psalm. 

As a deer longs for flowing streams,
   so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
   for the living God.
When shall I come and behold
   the face of God?
My tears have been my food
   day and night,
while people say to me continually,
   "Where is your God?"

I encounter people on a regular basis who are longing for God's touch, for some experience of God; they get me instead.  There are times when it makes me feel terribly small, inadequate, and helpless.

Strangely enough, most people seem satisfied with my presence.  I don't mean satisfied with my performance or any great words I might offer, but simply with my being there.  As the Apostle Paul has written, our weakness and frailty is apparently no obstacle to God using us.

In today's gospel reading, Jesus calls a few fishermen as his first disciples.  This seems a most inauspicious start.  Surely there are much better candidates to be found.  But apparently these rough, uncouth fishermen will do just fine. 

I wonder how often my own feelings of smallness and inadequacy get in the way of my being the presence of God to someone who needs it?  How about you?  If Jesus can use a few fisherman to begin the Church, surely most any of us will do.

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