Spiritual Hiccups - All About Me

When I am having a really bad day and nothing seems to be going right, it is remarkable how easy it is to slip into a "Woe is me" mindset.  All the world seems aligned against me.  Life's unfairness was never more clearly on display.  And considering my vocation as a pastor, God has clearly forgotten about me.

When I gain a little perspective from such moments, I can see unflattering parallels with Jonah, who complained bitterly to God about the death of a vine that had shaded him from the sun.  When God asked, "Is it right for you to be angry about the bush?" Job answered, "Yes, angry enough to die."  And if you're familiar with Jonah's story, you know that his self-absorbed petulance was all the more remarkable considering that the issue at hand was the fate of the great city, Nineveh, with over 100,000 residents, as well a "many animals."  

In a Jonah like mindset, encountering the Shema in today's Old Testament reading is a bit jarring.  (Shema is a transliteration of the Hebrew word that opens Deuteronomy 6:4, "Hear, O Israel..." and has become the name of this core of Jewish teaching that the faithful are to recite twice daily, affix to their doorposts, etc.)  "Hear, O Israel: Yahweh is our God, Yahweh alone. You shall love Yahweh your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might."  In a "Woe is me" moment, it is disorienting to be reminded, "It's not all about you; it's all about God."

You needn't be religious to think that our culture has become much more self-centered, much more narcissistic.  As a culture, we find it harder and harder to view something as good unless it is immediately good for me.  And these narcissistic tendencies are as apparent in religious life as they are in the culture at large.  I hear from many pastors that the most common complaint that they hear regarding worship is, "It's not feeding me."  Even worship, it seems, can be measured primarily by how it does or doesn't "meet my needs."

But Jesus calls us to discover a wonderful freedom from this tyranny of self.  His good news promises release from the anxieties and fears that so often drive us, a freedom that comes from giving ourselves over to loving God and loving others. 

Very often, faith is understood to mean believing the right things.  But I think true faith is about embracing this good news.  True faith is something even the most devout among us struggle with because one of the most difficult things is turning our lives completely over to God.  It is so hard for us to trust that giving ourselves to God without reservation and truly loving others will work out well for us.  We just can't quite trust God more than we trust ourselves.

I'm not sure anyone ever fullys get there, but most of us know people who are better at it than we are.  And most of us who are serious about faith have occasionally tasted this release from fear and anxiety Jesus' good news promises.  And so, even on a "Woe is me" day, there is hope, even certainty that God's grace is drawing us toward life as we are meant to live it.  The Spirit is working in us to help us become the "children of God" we are called to be.

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