Monday, September 17, 2012

Honeymoons, Stewardship, and Love

I just got back from my first vacation since coming to Falls Church, and it feels a bit different to come back to a place that is not yet home.  I was in Columbus, OH for over 11 years, and I've been here a bit over 4 months.  One of the lessons I'm relearning is that it takes a while to get to know a congregation.This is hardly surprising.  Couples get married after months or years as a couple yet often struggle in that first year of marriage as they get to know one another more fully. 

Not so coincidentally, people speak of a honeymoon period for new pastors.  There's not set time for how long this lasts, though some say a year or less is common. The actual end is usually marked by some sort of conflict, and that conflict is often the born of the congregation figuring out the new pastor is not who they thought he was, or the pastor figuring out the congregation is not what she thought it was, or both things together.

In this "getting to know one another" phase, there is a certain generic nature to ministry.  By that I mean that sermons tend to be more generic because I don't know the congregation well enough to ascertain how certain issues do or don't apply. I don't know how people will respond to certain sorts of statements by me.  After all, they don't know me well either and aren't used to my preaching style or other idiosyncrasies.

Now we are drawing close to my first Stewardship Season here, and so I'm a tad nervous.  Money can be a touchy topic in both marriages and churches, and churches can be very different in how they approach issues of money.  I know of churches where the pastor is not allowed to know how much anyone gives or even who gives and who doesn't.  But in other churches the pastor is expected to speak with members who don't give or whose giving patterns seem "problematic."  And churches have very different patterns of talking about stewardship and raising money for church budgets.

And so I was a struck to read today's gospel and discover a stewardship oriented gospel on my first day back in the office. It's John's version of the anointing at Bethany. It shows up in Matthew and Mark as well, and a similar story occurs in Luke.  I say that it's stewardship oriented because it features extravagant generosity along with a budget conscious critique of that extravagance. (In John's gospel we're told this critique is from Judas and disingenuous, but in Matthew and Mark the other disciples offer the critique with no mention of ulterior motives.)

Now here I have to be generic because of not knowing the congregation well enough. Generically speaking, church stewardship discussions often have more in common with the disciples' comments than the extravagant generosity that Jesus praises. Mention tithing and people immediately start talking formulas. "Is that a tenth of pre-tax or after tax income?" And stewardship is often simply fund raising called by another name.  It is often not viewed as a spiritual issue, as a part of our call to follow Jesus, or as an expression of love.

In my experience, people are generally extravagant toward things they love. When people are passionate about something, whether that is gardening, golf, or music, they will spend huge amounts of time, money, and energy on that passion. The same is true when people have a deep passion about a cause. Extravagance towards oneself is not all that unusual. And people who have fallen in love are very prone to extravagances toward the object of their affection. In fact, love can be difficult to sustain with some extravagances. Extravagances come in many varieties. They may cost a lot of money or none, but they are always a gift that was not required, that didn't come from any formula, that was simply an overflowing of love.

Considering how much the Bible talks about love -- God is love. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and being. Love your neighbor as yourself -- it is strange how frequently faith gets reduced to formula. Be good and get rewarded. If you like the church's programs, help pay for them. Design church to serve the loyal members. Never mind the people Jesus says we are to focus on and minister to.

In marriages, when the honeymoon is over and love gets dulled by routines and formulaic patterns with little in the way of extravagances, love can begin to die. I wonder if some of the cynicism in our culture about marriage doesn't emerge from the witness of too many dead, formulaic marriages. And so I also wonder if the growing cynicism in our culture toward "organized religion" doesn't emerge from the witness of too many congregations that seem more about formula and tradition than the extravagances of love.  I'm speaking generically, of course.

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