But when Nicodemus comes to Jesus, Jesus talks in a manner that seems designed to confuse and confound. Perhaps this is just a literary devise John uses to draw us into a deeper conversation about faith, but we can get caught up in the confusion ourselves. Just witness the divides in modern Christianity around "born again" language drawn from this passage.
I have to admit that some days I'd like to grab Jesus by the collar, shake him vigorously and demand, "Talk straight to me, dammit! Tell me what you mean and what you want me to do. None of this spiritual riddle stuff." Of course I'm a little scared that if he complied, I wouldn't like what he said, and I wouldn't want to do it.
And then there is the fact that Jesus is very clear about some things; love your enemies, for instance. But I tend to hold onto my anger with those who make my work difficult as a pastor. These "enemies" of my ministry plans sometimes get under my skin in a way that I cannot bear.
Jesus also says that money and possessions are a huge barrier to right relationship with God and neighbor, but I love things. I like to think that I'm afflicted with a less virulent strain of consumerism than most of those around me, but I'm afflicted nonetheless. And I am quite certain that I would be a lot happier if I somehow ended up with a winning lottery ticket, never mind what Jesus says.
As I reflect on all this, I'm thinking that I may want to say something else when I grab Jesus by the collar and shake him. I think I need to borrow one of Anne Lamott's primal prayers. "Help me, help me, help me." And come to think of it, I'm pretty sure Jesus never said this would be easy.
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Yup, James, you're talking my language and experience. Right now I'm working hard to not get caught up in the thoughts that begin with the question, 'what did I do to deserve all this pain?' That series of thoughts leads to 'poor me, why is my life so hard?' And, although I know I must be focusing on the aches and pains in my body when my body is saying "Okay, you've been out of bed enough, now go lay back down and rest." The pain I experienced before surgery comes from how my particular body works, no great cosmic plot here. This is the series of tests and challenges I have been given to learn through struggling with them. Another person's challenges are theirs, maybe bigger or smaller than mine. I can pray, "here I am in this pain, in this paradox (the paradox is that if I bring relaxed focus to the pain, my breath, the spirit of healing will assist in the healing). If I invite jesus to be with me, Jesus will stay with me, so long as I keep inviting him in. I can choose to complain, I can choose to declare "A loving God would not let God's creatures suffer like this, therefore there is no God." Or I can choose to be grateful for even a short visit with Jesus in the dark of night, even a short respite from the pain and discomfort.
ReplyDeleteRusty Lynn