As the hour of his death draws near, Jesus says that a grain of wheat must fall to the ground and die if it is to bear fruit. And then he says, "Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also."
You know, there are some words of Jesus I sometimes wish had not made it into the Bible. Here Jesus calls for hating our lives, and in a different passage, he says we must hate parents and family. So much for family values.
I don't know if it was because of texts such as these, or if it was because of my own Presbyterian/Reformed tradition's focus on human sinfulness, or if it was simply my own tendencies, but I grew up with a fair amount of existential guilt. I've always been keenly aware of my many failings, to the point of sometimes being my own worst enemy. And yet the people drawn to Jesus seem not to act this way. The followers gathered around Jesus often fail spectacularly. They frequently are confused and befuddled by Jesus, unable to comprehend what he asks of them. Yet they almost never seem to be beaten down or depressed. If anything, the atmosphere around Jesus is most often one of joy, and when he speaks of the future, he talks of parties and banquets.
When I was in seminary, I learned that hyperbole was common in Middle Eastern, Semitic speech, and emphatic statements about hating your own life or your family didn't mean quite what they seem to in English. They have nothing to do with self loathing, but rather are about what one loves most. "Hate" means "to love less," and so they are about what animates and motivates. Jesus is calling me to find my deepest meaning and purpose in life from outside my own small concerns, to discover a much deeper and more meaningful life in a life lived for and toward God and others.
Many years ago I was hiking in a National Park when I passed someone who asked me where I was headed. When I explained to him the sights and views I was hoping to see, he told me that the trail I was on was quite arduous but there wasn't a lot to see unless I had time to follow it for a couple of days. I said that I was thinking more in terms of hours, and he pointed me to another trail that yielded spectacular vistas. My encounter with this helpful stranger led to a wonderful day, and I can't say that it produced any feelings of guilt of self loathing over my initial poor choice of trails.
And Jesus says, "Follow me. No, not that way, this one that I am showing you."
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