Angry at Someone, or Perhaps at God

It was Diane's Sunday to preach in our worship today. (She's my pastoral colleague here.) She talked about times growing up where God disappointed her, not living up to expectations she had. Surely that is a universal experience for people of faith. We think God should act certain ways; we think faith should lead to certain outcomes, yet often things turn out differently from our expectations.

Diane was preaching about the gospel reading for today, the second half of Luke's story of Jesus at his home town of Nazareth. Luke's version is quite different from the parallel stories in Matthew and Mark. In Luke the locals are wowed by Jesus. "All spoke well of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his mouth." But Jesus is the one who shatters this moment of awe and wonder. He reminds them that "no prophet is accepted in the prophet's hometown." He tells of episodes from Israel's past where the famous prophets Elijah and Elisha helped foreigners rather than the many in Israel could have used such help.

In the end, the hometown folks try to kill Jesus. Presumably they were expecting that their connection to Jesus meant that they would be the very first to enjoy the fruits of the Messiah's arrival, but when Jesus goes on and on about God helping foreigners and outsiders, it's more than they can stomach.

God has certainly disappointed me many times. On occasion I've gotten quite angry. This pastoring thing is often not at all what I envisioned when I first heard a call to ordained ministry. But I can't imagine ever getting so angry that I'd want to kill Jesus. What made the folks at Nazareth mad enough to kill?

Perhaps some of the difference can be attributed to a more violent time in history when human life was cheaper, but still... Could I ever become so angry at God that I contemplated violence? Could God's failure to do as I expect or anticipate make me mad enough to join an angry mob?

I'm not the sort to kill anyone, but I can get pretty worked up at times. Generally, my greatest anger is not directed at God but at people who cause me trouble or who I think cause trouble in the world. Very often my anger at them feels "righteous," but I wonder if it might be displaced anger at God. (God's rarely available to be thrown off a cliff in the first place.)

When people in the church make my life miserable, I feel justified anger over how they injure me or  hurt the ministry and fellowship of a congregation. Yet I suspect some of my anger might really be at the God who allows such people to become prominent fixtures in so many congregations. How is it that God lets troublemakers occupy important positions in churches?

I have talked to colleagues as well as to church members who've spoken of the damage such people have done to them or their church's ministry. This only heightens my upset, my righteous anger, knowing that the behavior is typical. And that seems to confirm that my real anger is at God. How is it God allows churches to be such messed up places that get so off track, that have so many less than ideal folks running things, serving as pastors, and at times being downright hateful and mean?

I think the next time I get really angry over something going on at church, I'm going to pause and wonder about how I might really be angry at God. And I going to wonder if that means I'm expecting something of God I shouldn't be. I wonder if that means I need to do a bit more work on who God is, who Jesus is, and what it really means for me to be his follower.

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